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They rode bikesplayed kickball in the street, swam all summer long and ,ake to Andy Gibb, the Bay City Rollers and Shaun Cassidy on the stereo. When they were little, they liked Barbies; when they were bigger, they hung out at the roller rink on Friday nights.

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They told each other secrets like which boys they thought were cute, as best friends always do. Today, Ms.

Shreeves, of suburban Philadelphiais the mother of two boys. Her year-old has a best friend. In fact, he is the son of Ms. But Ms. His favorite playmate is a boy who was in his preschool Phodnixia, but Ms.

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Shreeves said. One might be tempted to feel some sympathy for the younger son.

But increasingly, some educators and other professionals who work with children are asking a question that might surprise their parents: Should a child really have a best friend? Most children friensd seek close friends.

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In a survey amke From Phoenixia and just trying to make friends 3, Americans ages Phoneixia to 24 conducted last year by Harris Interactive94 percent said they had at least one close friend. But the classic best-friend bond — the two special pals who share secrets and exploits, who gravitate to each other on the playground and Casual Dating Winslow NewJersey 8004 head out the door together every day after school — signals potential trouble for school officials intent on discouraging anything that hints of exclusivity, in part because of concerns about cliques and bullying.

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Louis Country Day School in St. The days when children roamed the neighborhood and played with whomever they wanted to until the streetlights came on disappeared long ago, replaced by the scheduled play date.

Indeed, much of the effort to encourage children to be friends with everyone is meant to head off bullying and other extreme Mayville MI cheating wives of social exclusion.

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For many child-rearing experts, the ideal situation might well be that of Matthew and Margaret Guest, year-old twins in suburban Atlantawho almost always socialize in a pack. One typical Friday afternoon, about 10 boys and girls filled the Guest family backyard.

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Kids were jumping on the trampoline, shooting baskets and playing manhunt, a variation on hide-and-seek. Neither Margaret nor Matthew has ever had a best friend.

Their mother, Laura Phenixia, said their school tries to prevent bullying through workshops and posters. And extracurricular activities keep her children group-oriented — Margaret is on the swim team and does gymnastics; Matthew plays football and baseball.

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View all New York Times newsletters. But such an attitude worries some psychologists who fear that children will be denied the strong emotional support and security that comes with intimate friendships. Is that how we really want to rear our children?

We want children to get good at leading close relationships, not superficial ones. Understanding the Social Lives of Children.

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Thompson said. That to me is normal social pain. Still, school officials admit they watch close friendships carefully for adverse effects.

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